Wants Nothing Time: A Mindful Pause for Parents and People
Quality time. We often associate it with our relationships - our children, our partners, our friends, our families. But what if quality time wasn’t just about others? What if it was something we could give to ourselves?
The definition that resonates with me most comes from Magda Gerber, an early childhood educator and founder of the RIE (Resources for Infant Educarers) approach. She describes two types of quality time: Wants Nothing time and Wants Something time.
While not everyone reading this post will resonate with parenting, it is my hope that everyone gives consideration to this idea of quality time.
Gerber explains Wants Something time as the moments spent with a child for a specific purpose. For instance, feeding schedules, bathing and bedtime routines. For new parents navigating pregnancy or the postpartum period, so much of life with a newborn feels dictated by necessity. But Wants Nothing time is different. It’s about being fully present with no agenda, watching, listening, simply existing together.
For those who struggle with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, or the numbing repetition of daily routines, life can feel like an endless cycle of Wants Something time. There’s always another task, another worry, another thing to fix, avoid, or overanalyze.
But what if, in the middle of all that, we created space for Wants Nothing time?
What if we took 10 minutes to be present with ourselves, without scrolling, without problem-solving, without trying to be productive?
Just being.
Sitting with a cup of coffee. Watching the wind move through the trees. Listening to a favorite song, really listening. Noticing the breath, the sensations in the body, the way the mind slows down when we stop rushing to the next thing.
When we allow ourselves moments of Wants Nothing time, we create space between ourselves and the endless loop of overthinking. We remind ourselves that we are more than our anxious thoughts, more than our productivity, more than the demands of the day.